190516

Joke of the Day

"""If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?"" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next."

"I feel like I forgot something today... ...shit, *the oven!*"

"Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident. He's 0K right now."

"What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad"

"A restaurant patron complained about the limited dessert selection, and an Irish man turned his head to respond. What was the complaint? **Flan AGAIN?!**"

"I bet parents get annoyed when their kids ask ""are we there yet?"" when they're fully aware they now live in a car"

"If you woke up in the woods with a handful of leaves and a condom hanging out of your butt, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"

"5 DAYS AGO I was bit by a spider, and STILL, no super-powers. Comics lie."

"Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!"

"A man goes for his first prostate exam ""I am sorry doctor, but where can I leave my pants?"" ""Right there where I left mine"" - the doctor says"