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Joke of the Day

"You can accurately measure a person's intelligence level by giving them a simple prostate exam. If they let you, they're an idiot."

"What Do You Call A Story About A Broken Pencil? Pointless"

"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""

"I was fired from my job as a bingo caller.... ....apparently ""a meal for two with a hairy view"" is not the way to call number 69."

"A 65 year old actress with early Alzhiemer's got a Botox shot, and later regretted it. She couldn't remember her lines."

"Hello 911? ""What's your emergency?"" You work in a building? ""Yes"" Inside? ""Yes WHAT'S YOUR EM-"" So you're saying 911's an inside job?!"

"This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts"

"Give a man a fish, he eats today. Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat."

"Toilet Stolen From Police Station... Cops Have Nothing To Go On"

"It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is ""Chuck"". I mean, what the Farles is that about?"