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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish, he eats today. Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat."

"It would be nice to have a second button beside the 'snooze' that emails your boss that you aren't coming in today."

"Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand... ...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis."

"I saw two Asian guys backing up a UHaul truck to a Home Depot and it reminded me of a great thing about being white. I know someone with a pickup truck."

"What is the difference between a broken down bus stop and a crab with breast implants? One is a rusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"New Knock-Knock joke? Child: Knock Knock Grandmother: Who's there? Child: [Insert Name] Grandmother: [Insert Name] who? Child: Oh no! You have Alzheimer's! Yes? No?"

"Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack."

"You think you have a bad job? I'm working at the Return Desk at Toy R' Us in Connecticut"

"France and Italy declare war on each other, who wins? Neither, Italy switches sides and France surrenders, both lose"

"When does a lawyer make coffee? When he has sufficient grounds"