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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like your face hit the ground first."

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change"

"How do black people decide what day to wear airbrushed memorial t-shirts of dead relatives?"

"Well doctor, my problem is basically this: when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

"[at a funeral] *approaches the weeping widow and embraces her* *whispers* ""So you're single now, right?"

"I went to a massage parlor today... When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often."

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"I've never gotten along with tall people We just never see eye to eye."

"If you hate awkward silences, then necrophilia isn't for you."

"If I had a nickel for every time I was right and my parents were wrong. . . I would owe more than what America owes China."