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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game? They leave after the coin toss"

"Guy walks into a DR's office with a duck on his head... Duck says ""Hey Doc an you get this guy off my ass"""

"When I see a car accident I pull over quickly to assist the drivers with getting rid of any drugs they may have in the car."

"Before kids: I'd choose going blind over going deaf. After kids: Deaf! I wanna be deaf!"

"What Did Superman Tell Superwoman? Do you want to be in my Crib Tonight (Kryptonite)"

"My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas. I guess they didn't understand what I meant when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"I once dated a homeless girl. splitting the bill wasn't always easy but at least after our date I could drop her off anywhere."

"Who burns their own city down? The people of Ferguson."

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste!"

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."