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Joke of the Day

"Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life."

"In ""Captain Sully"", technically speaking, Tom Hanks did not fly a plane on to the Hudson River That was falling with style"

"What do eagles and moles have in common? They both fly, except for the mole..."

"Whats black and white and red all over? A nun having her period."

"Why did the baker's hands smell Because he kneaded a poo."

"""How was your visit to that new therapist?"" ""Waste of time..."" ""...all he did was show me pictures of my parents fighting."""

"Have a box of tissues on hand when you watch ""Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"" on DVD, guys. And, yes, I mean for the copious weeping. Jerks."

"I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, ""Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."""

"What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer"

"Sign at restaurant reads: Eat here diet home"