190017

Joke of the Day

"I love dying from sneezing 11 times in a row and being defibrillated back to life with a 12th"

"Toy Story 4 is just going to be a bunch of fat kids playing on iPads and not interacting with one another."

"Are you today's date? Cause you're a 10/10"

"I'm going to write a book called ""stop obligatory dual language"" If no one buys it I'm going to study two languages."

"Imagine a buffet for the Gods... there's food for Thor."

"My blood test results are in today. Now I have to call my ex and tell her that she has high cholesterol."

"Explained to my client that he shouldn't put ""urgent"" in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as ""urgent urgent""."

"What is small furry and smells like bacon? A hamster."

"Why shouldn't you eat meat from pot smoking cows? Because the steaks are too high."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"""