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Joke of the Day

"Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn't Asian"

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"What did one snowman say to the other? ""Weird...I smell carrots, too."""

"Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage? They know how to tuck away junk."

"What came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster"

"I used to cry when my dad chopped onions. Onions was a good dog, I miss him."

"Don't do the pathetic baby talk when talking to the baby. They don't understand you any better. You don't go up to a dog and start barking."

"The hardest part about having an ugly child is lying to them when they ask you if you love them."

"Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant."

"Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning."