129262

Joke of the Day

"Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning."

"I'm not stalking you. I'm getting to know you behind your back."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant."

"My friend was doing impersonations of The A-Team. I told him they were amazing. You should have seen his Face..."

"A really funny joke. http://youtu.be/h8ycKKA7LZI A work-in-progress from my stand-up set. Tell me what you think!"

"It's hard not to bring up the fact I'm vegan whenever people talk about food or a new restaurant or that their mom just died or"

"A midget psychic escaped from prison... I guess you could call them a small medium at large."

"Which trees miss you the most? Pine trees"

"Women really can't take a rape joke lately You really have to force it against their will."