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Joke of the Day

"I got prescribed an antifungal... ... and now my girlfriend won't come near me."

"How do you deal with radical Islamists? You square them."

"5yo: Dad! Dad! Wake up! Me: What? What's wrong? 5yo: You said last night you need to be up by 7.. Me: It's 4am! 5yo: I can't tell time.."

"A horse walks into a bar The bartender says ""why the long face?"""

"Police I thought I saw a police chopper this morning but it was just his baton sticking out."

"I went to the food court today. And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff."

"I'm not sure if I'm depressed Or just nihilistic"

"I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego."

"Why does Cuba not have any casinos? They Havana no money to spend."

"Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!"