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Joke of the Day

"If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it ""breakfast""?"

"Mum: ""OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!"" Me: ""Madness?! NO... THIS IS SPARTA!!"" *Kicks Mum*.."

"I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween, so I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in... Fuck the ships ! My lighthouse, my rules !"

"Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?"

"I recently went to the funeral of an asshole who bullied me for most of my life..... I wanted to literally see a dick in a box."

"Telling someone w/ depression things like 'Cheer up','Get over it','It's a state of mind', is like telling a blind person 'Just look harder'"

"Why did Rolf Harris leave Animal Hospital? He heard they were getting hares and lost interest!"

"How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it. Ha."

"I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him"

"Girls call me a wizard Because it's magic what I do with 3 inches."