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Joke of the Day

"I recently went to the funeral of an asshole who bullied me for most of my life..... I wanted to literally see a dick in a box."

"Did you hear about the new HBO series that investigates gambling in sports? It's called Thrown Games."

"I heard some guy tell two horrible Malaysian Airline jokes The first one got no response, and the second one was shot down in flames."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? It is really easy to roast beef."

"A trailer in a movie theater ended with ""November 20th"" and a guy loudly said, ""thats my birthday"" and a random guy said ""happy birthday"""

"Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off."

"My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen"

"What do you call 10 lepers in a swimming pool? Porridge"

"[On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]"

"Why aren't there any ""old husband tales""? There are. They just get re-branded as ""logic"" and ""the truth""."