37856

Joke of the Day

"Mum: ""OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!"" Me: ""Madness?! NO... THIS IS SPARTA!!"" *Kicks Mum*.."

"The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them"

"I organized a threesome for (NAME)'s last night of freedom. There were a couple of no-shows, but he still had fun."

"Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? A: It is the one with the kickstand."

"His homebuilt e-cigarette vapor mod with banana custard glycerine is so sexy... Said no girl ever"

"What is the bass players preferred method of contraception? His personality."

"Teacher I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can't do it then I'm nearly ten!"

"What do Japanses pirates do? Fry pranes."

"Day 2 It's been two days since I've been on reddit, hopefully i have the strength to..... GOD DAMNIT!"

"A man and a little boy walk into the woods... the little boy says, ""It sure is dark and scary!"" The man looks at the boy and says, ""How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!"""