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Joke of the Day

"Where do I see myself in five years? *kicks feet up on desk* Sir, does my resume list ""psychics abilities"" under skills? No. Next question."

Next Joke
 
"When I was a kid, I asked my mom if I could lick the beater. ""Don't be stupid,"" she said, ""your father's not home."""
"I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs Turned out to be a pyramid scheme"
"What's the opposite of a somersault? A winter pepper."
"If you capitalize 'him' in your tweets I'm gonna automatically assume you're subtweeting god."
"My girlfriend cheated on me with the Pillsbury dough boy Now she has a yeast infection."
"It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*"
"My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup."
"A nurse comes in and tells a doc... ...""there's a man in the waiting room that thinks he's invisible. What should I tell him?"" Doc says, ""Tell him I can't see him today."""
"Hey, I have a good joke about pussy Oh wait... you might not get it..."
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