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Joke of the Day

"The lights at JayZ's house weren't working, so he called me to fix it. Now he's got 99 problems but the switch ain't one."

"Where was Timmy when the bomb fell? Everywhere."

"A sad can goes to get recycled. He was soda-pressed."

"How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest? Ewoks"

"*running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea"

"If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot."

"How much does a German weigh? Teutons."

"What is the definition of a Barbarian? It's someone who cuts hair in a library."

"There are two types of people in this world... Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"I've read Plumbing for idiots' twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in."