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Joke of the Day

"So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, ""I do."" is not the correct answer."

"My wife accused me of fogging up our bathroom mirror But I really can't see myself doing that."

"I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too."

"Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ? It was for 'tick or tweet' !"

"In case of a zombie apocalypse, I'm surrounding my house with treadmills."

"I hate mosquitoes, they're like nature's version of a Jehovah's Witness.........."

"I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders... He responded, ""So you want to see America be destroyed?"" I said, ""No, I want to watch it Bern."""

"People always tell me not to piss in the shower... ...but you know, it's difficult not to when you're taking a shit"

"Did you hear about the parrot who lives in a bilingual household? It speaks a pidgin language."

"If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years whether you are successful or not."