200012

Joke of the Day

"Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ? It was for 'tick or tweet' !"

"What did the vegan Neanderthal say when walking in to the woman's bathroom? Chickpea"

"I just bought a new weed whacker. It's cutting-hedge technology."

"Who do they bring in if the stand up comedian dies during the show? A stand in comedian"

"What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? At least the pimple waits until you are 14 before it cums on your face."

"Dog in a Bar A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ""I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."""

"Today I was told that I sing like an amputee. Apparently I can't hold a note or carry a tune."

"what are you getting your wife for her birthday? a sweater and a dildo... if she doesnt like the sweater, she can go fuck herself"

"Now that my kids are getting older, I'm worried I'll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny."

"Harambe walks into a bar Bartender: What can I get for you? Harambe: Just ice for Harambe. Bartender: Sorry, we're out of ice. Best I can give you is a shot."