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Joke of the Day

"I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders... He responded, ""So you want to see America be destroyed?"" I said, ""No, I want to watch it Bern."""

"Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes."

"Pink Camouflage: for when you go pheasant hunting on the old cotton candy plantation."

"When a pregnant woman swims she is literally a human submarine."

"Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean... Who survives? America."

"Blizzards are like sex it's really fun while it's happening but afterwards there's a lot of white stuff laying around that no one knows what to do with"

"An elephant steps on an ant hill and one ant climbs up to the elephant's neck; the rest of the colony screams: STRANGLE HIM ROLUNT!!!"

"Two men are pissing off a bridge. ""Water's cold"" says one. ""And deep."" says the other."

"I have a job for you planting tulips.... ON DIS DICK!"

"A man comes into a bar No, wait, it was a horse. So a man comes into a horse..."