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Joke of the Day

"Three guys walk into a bar... They grab a couple of drinks, pay in full and leave like the good people they are."

"I don't know why everyone looks so stressed. I tweet and drive all the time. Oh...must be the beer."

"A man spent millions on an impressionist painting then ate it... He put his Monet where his mouth is."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down your throat."

"What's a Latin professor's favorite song? Hit the quam"

"My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today's social scene sounds so violent."

"Why is it so hard to forgive hitler? Because he did nothing wrong"

"What's a musician's favourite kitchen utensil? A Chopin' knife!"

"Today I was asked by a Red Cross member if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan I said I would, but I don't have a hose that reaches that far"

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."