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Joke of the Day

"My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today's social scene sounds so violent."

"Why couldn't Beethoven find his music teacher? He was Haydn"

"Q: What's green and purple and goes up and down? A: Barney in an elevator."

"Daniel Day-Lewis sent over 20 million emails to prepare for his role as LinkedIn"

"Worldwide Survey A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,158,783,476 people, 95% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"Fishing There is a fine line between fishing, and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot"

"Postman told me he was going on holidays.... I asked him if it was Parcelona or Istampbul he was headed to... Just said it was a stag do for his friend Ah, an all mail party I exclaimed"

"What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert"

"Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-"

"I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money."