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Joke of the Day

"I went to a zoo the other day, all they had was a dog... It was a shihtzu. Thanks to Drinking Buddy from Fallout 4 for this knee-slapper."

"Reddit will end with not a bang, but a Pao."

"My Grandpa said, our generation relies too much on technology I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"""Haha"" - me when I don't understand the reference"

"Sometimes I go on WebMD to see what I'm currently dying of."

"Jason's wife Liane wanted something that in 6 seconds goes from 0-200.. So he bought her a bathroom scale. You're fat liane, don't sugar coat it. Because you'll just eat that too."

"I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it."

"If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead."

"If I was a cannibal I'd only eat women. Because they're seedless."

"Talking to retirees in the complex. They don't care how many followers I have. They're all ""D-Day this, Iwo Jima that."" Guh. UNFOLLOW."