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Joke of the Day

"Talking to retirees in the complex. They don't care how many followers I have. They're all ""D-Day this, Iwo Jima that."" Guh. UNFOLLOW."

"What was the name of the operation to catch Juaquin Guzman? El trapo."

"The neighbours dog has jumped up into my garden so much that he's totally destroyed the fence. Figured here's the best place to get it fixed as everyone is a certified reposter."

"When your SO asks Daddy for ketchup at the family BBQ. And you BOTH grab it at the same time."

"If your gift says ""from Mom and Dad"" you just know Dad has absolutely no idea what's inside it."

"My friend called me dyslexic... I told him that he's a smart fella."

"My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin... It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral..."

"A solid way to make your waiter's head explode is to order a grilled cheese with no bread."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aardvark ! Aardvark who ? Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles !"

"Ash enters battle with his pikachu Ash:""Pikachu use thunder bolt"" Pikachu: ""Your dad is paying the electricity bill?"""