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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I go on WebMD to see what I'm currently dying of."

"All I want from Uber is to be driven around until I fall asleep, carried over the driver's shoulder into my home, and tucked into bed"

"What do you call a whistle-blower in a blizzard Edward Snowed-in"

"CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?"

"A man's work is never done. ""...Something both men and women can agree on!"""

"Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun?"

"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag."

"If I'm ever on life support unplug me Then plug me back in see if that works"

"What noise does a train say when it eats Chew Chew *crap joke*"

"Bae: come over Me: I can't, I'm hanging out with your parents. Bae: my parents aren't home. Me: I know. I just... You never listen Susan."