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Joke of the Day

"What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? Its asshole."

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

"I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. I now have $999,999.75"

"My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her ""bitch refresher course""."

"""Mom, I don't like my little brother."" ""Then just eat the vegetables."""

"What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend? Having to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"Jesus and the blind man... What did Jesus say after he healed the blind man? Made you look!"

"A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz. 91% said Never Again""."

"Could you Christian rock singers please invest in a thesaurus. I think God is fully aware by now that you think he is ""great"" and ""awesome."""

"""Lethal Weapon"" is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder."