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Joke of the Day

"IAN: Why is that bear hanging out in the bar? ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really? ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian."

"I can't say enough good things about my grandmother. She just isn't very nice."

"You were probably conceived at home... they say most accidents happen around the household."

"Where in the world was Carmen, San Diego. San Diego, you idiot."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"If there is a Wessex, Sussex, and Essex why isn't there a northern county similarly named? Cause then there would be Nosex!"

"It's a shame Laremy Tunsil fell in the draft... But he was still the highest pick!"

"The *real* reason Hitler lost the war. He forgot to put speed limits on his highways so the enemy vehicles could drive as fast as they wanted to."

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."

"Why do gorillas have such big fingers? Because they have such big nostrils."