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Joke of the Day

"I can't say enough good things about my grandmother. She just isn't very nice."

"My son: ""Dad what's a douche bag?"" Me: see that guy sitting with his friends wearing a Bluetooth?...."

"Optimus Prime partially clothed ... Semi-nude."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Him: why did the chicken cross the road? Her: I don't know. Him: to go to the shops. Do you think that's funny? Her: No. Him: neither did the chicken."

"Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat."

"Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot."

"My friend is getting on in years but still wants to stay hip with new technology. I call him Instagrampa."

"What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with"

"[getting fired from NASA] Is it because I kept saying ""Technically we're already in space?"""

"Always heard this on the playground growing up... Pete and Repeat were in a boat, but Pete fell out. Who was left?..."