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Joke of the Day

"I recently bought some Koi from Malaysia... That's one flight that made it."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One's heavy and the other is a little lighter..."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? ALLAHU AKBAR!!!"

"Greek mythology summed up in five words Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling horny"

"Listen, I hate you... I'm just not... IN hate with you."

"I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway."

"People always ask me, where do I come up with my status', do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs."

"Fixing my grandma's computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated."

"So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner."

"What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ ;)"