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Joke of the Day

"Listen, I hate you... I'm just not... IN hate with you."

"What stars go to jail? Shooting stars."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side!"

"The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter."

"Did you hear about the gay guy who quit? He couldn't take it in the end."

"My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes."

"Him: What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god? Me: oh, um, science."

"I once put a bunch of grapes in a woman's vagina.... She didn't say much, she just let out a little wine."

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."

"What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They're both fucking close to water"