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Joke of the Day

"Work meeting Boss: it's come to my attention that someone has been eating out of the trash! Everyone, including his pet raccoon looks at me"

"Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was ""you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"""

"I learned today that I'm still a reddit noob."

"Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!"

"Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time."

"How did the farmer find his wife? He tractor down."

"I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home."

"The difference between a wife and a mistress? The mistress says ""Oh, darling - that was *wonderful*!"", and the wife says ""Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige..."""

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary, and those who don't"

"What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand? not enough sand."