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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home."

"Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me ""The defendant"" for a full day."

"What do women and linoleum have in common? If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years."

"All Lives Matter ...until you multiply them by the speed of light squared. Then all lives energy."

"You've taken 3 pregnancy tests this month. ""What's your point"" My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric."

"I applied for a Cashier job at Wal-Mart the other day.. But they said that those 4 positions were already filled."

"I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune Walk in with a big fortune. Happy new year"

"[god, creating chickens] Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don't care"

"What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater? This is the most violent thing I've ever read."

"What's the most confusing day in the hood? Father's Day"