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Joke of the Day

"TIL Doug Liman will be directing an adaptation of the Passion story for 2017, with Matt Damon as Jesus Christ. Bourne is the King of Israel!"

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"If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby"
"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."
"If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one."
"I just realized that I have lost my mood ring... Not sure how I feel about this..."
"Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool"
"You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works."
"What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day."
"Slot twist: That USB drive goes in the other way. Turn it over"
"What do a trickster and a multiplicative inverse function have in common? They both want to pull 1 over on you."