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Joke of the Day

"TIL Doug Liman will be directing an adaptation of the Passion story for 2017, with Matt Damon as Jesus Christ. Bourne is the King of Israel!"

"If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby"

"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."

"If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one."

"I just realized that I have lost my mood ring... Not sure how I feel about this..."

"Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool"

"You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works."

"What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day."

"Slot twist: That USB drive goes in the other way. Turn it over"

"What do a trickster and a multiplicative inverse function have in common? They both want to pull 1 over on you."