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Joke of the Day

"Where do you hide a hippie's weed? Under the soap."

"I'll date any guy that can digest a seagull faster than me."

"My friend called me a pedophile today. I corrected him, told him I'm actually a hebephile. He said, ""you're just splitting hairs"" I said, ""now you see the difference""."

"Kylo Ren used to complain his parents were passive aggressive. Well, boo hoo. My dad was actively aggressive. Just ask my hand."

"What's E.T short for? His little legs."

"Why does /r/jokes love fencing? They've all mastered the riposte."

"What is long, hard and leaves a warm, white, sticky substance in your mouth? Toothbrush."

"Me: WHO DREW ON THE WALL?! 4-year-old: 2-year-old: 4-year-old: 2-year-old: 4-year-old: The dog."

"Did you hear about Linda Lovelace's grandmother? She went down on the Titanic."

"The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you."