202461
Joke of the Day
"What's E.T short for? His little legs."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander? Mick Jagger sings, ""Hey you, get off of my cloud . . "", while the Scottish Highlander yells, ""Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"""
"I keep writing letters to myself. Dear me."
"[on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: ""and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth"" HER: ""I must have sex with you immediately"""
"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaeeeeyyyyy"
"Black friday, ughhhh ALL FRIDAYS MATTER!"
"""Daddy?"" ""Yes?"" ""What are you doing?"" ""Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."""
"It makes sense to buy Automatic Cars, because they cost an arm and a leg."
"if you're drinking after midnight on a saturday you're really just getting a jump on the church crowd"
"I no longer see my wife and kids because of gambling. I won a shitload of money and moved to Spain."