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Joke of the Day

"Sally sells seashells by the seashore. Her monopoly has left the seashore economy in shambles. 86% of hermit crabs are now homeless."

"What's the difference between me and an egg? Eggs get laid."

"I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006."

"There is a fine line between ""important to me"" and ""dead to me."" Don't walk it."

"if ur sad abowt not havin an valentien on valentienz day remembr dat sum ppl do'nt hav an patrik on st patriks day"

"superman isn't that special... anyone can stop a speeding bullet... once"

"Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk."

"I saw a Jewish Ghost last night... It was so scary I started to Shiva."

"""A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others."" Ayn Rand Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation slave owner."

"There are so many obnoxious people in the world, but do you know who really drives me to drink? Designated Drivers."