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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between me and an egg? Eggs get laid."

"Just because this is a public space doesn't mean my tweets are meant for ALL of you to read! Please respect my privacy at this time!!!"

"it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses"

"Terrible I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"I childproofed the house... but they still get in!"

"I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!"

"There's no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know."

"I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure Intheass isn't mine."

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."

"US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves... All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers."