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Joke of the Day

"I swear to holy hell, Aunt Pat, I would rather lick a midget's taint than accept your invitation to play Lucky Slots."

"(Restaurant joke) What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? Canoes tip."

"how does a bakery know when to make more bread? on a knead the dough basis."

"I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it start?"""

"Dora the explorer has got a new muslim friend. (xpost from r/mockingislam) Called Doda the exploder."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Also, tornados and the dark and everything."

"i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. ""oops sorry."" i apologize. ""that ones for my dad"

"Donald Trump Trump never uses the washroom, ..... that's why he's so full of shit!"

"Binoculars have to be the worst gift you can buy for a cyclops."

"If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me"