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Joke of the Day

"i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. ""oops sorry."" i apologize. ""that ones for my dad"

"Have a burning hatred for questions and people? YOU could be a medical receptionist!"

"Being an adult means assuming someone's dead every time your parents call you at work."

"How do you kill a Grammar Nazi? mkae tehm brun tiehr eeys owt Eidt: sepleinlg croertcoin"

"*When I see someone else jaywalk* ""What an idiot."" *When I jaywalk* ""I am a trained professional. Do not attempt this yourself."""

"Just watched my wedding video backwards - Loved the part where I took off the ring, left the church, and fucked off with my friends"

"When does a tree want less? When it's sycamore."

"I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach."

"[at bar] Him: Why's a pretty girl like you sitting all alone? Me: I peed my pants."

"Why is Boromir such a hit at orgies? Because when he blows his horn everyone comes ;)"