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Joke of the Day

"Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big."

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"I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017."
"""Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?"" Oh. Yea. Good thinkin'. Can't be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there."
"The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man."
"[NSFW] I've been 1 week in college and already had five times the sex I had in 3 years of highschool. 5x0=0"
"I got a Wu ton... Wu tang futon"
"Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, ""So are you sick?"" No, I'm just here for the free CNN."
"Doctor: You have bronchitis Me: OMG I've always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?"
"It would have been cool to see the discovery of salt. ""This food tastes bland. Let's see if I can improve it by adding some rocks."""
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls."
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