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Joke of the Day
"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."
Next Joke
"What do you call a fuzzy philosopher? BEARistotle I'm so sorry"
"What do you call a robber who looks like David Beckham? Bandit like Beckham"
"So a Michigander, a masochist, and football fan walk into a store. He asks the cashier, ""Where's the Lion's jerseys?"""
"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"
"In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court."
"Saw a billboard that said: Don't be distracted by driving and texting. Next one said: Don't be distracted by driving and reading billboards."
"Watts a homonym?"
"Bob has 50 cookies. He eats 45. What does he have now? Diabetes. Bob has diabetes."
"WAITER: what can i get you ME: what do you recommend WAITER: i recommend that you tell me what you want to eat"