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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Libertarian cross the road? None of your damn business. Am I being detained?"

"What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper? Well an erection of course."

"""If ya wanna go and take a ride with me / wear your seatbelt"" - Nervous Nelly"

"Went to the doctor today and my many years of phone sex has finally caught up with me. I have hearing AIDS now."

"How do you shoot a unique deer? You-neak up on it and shoot it. Credit: Grandpa Clifford"

"What do terrorists eat? Allah snack bar. They say its the bomb!"

"I used to not get on with my mother-in-law but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!"

"My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an ""emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit"". I don't know how I feel about this."

"Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life."

"My office password's been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat."