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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm hot blooded check it and see got a fever of 103! 911: Did u call earlier about having a bad case of loving me? M: maybe 911: stop"

"What did the politician with a cold talk about at his meeting? The important tissues. (I know it sucks, I just made it up)"

"What did Kermit eat after he got divorced? Pork Chops"

"I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me."

"""Dad, what's a sponsored tweet?"" ""A way for Twitter to make money, I guess. Now, pass the Metamucil with 100% Natural Psyllium Fiber."""

"Why was the first computer never invited to dinner? It would just take a few bytes then run."

"People who say ""adorbs"" make me miserbs"

"My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her."

"The next Fast and the Furious should just be two hours of a guy doing steroids inside of a Nissan Cube."

"What do you call a Korean with a dog? ...vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha."