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Joke of the Day

"My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? THATS NOT FUNNY (must yell it)"

"A great sun/boob analogy Boobs are like the sun. They keep you warm and make you happy, but stare directly at it and you are in trouble."

"Condom Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. ""Cover me. I'm going in."""

"Friday night. Gonna put on my dancing shoes, throw on my coolest shirt, and aimlessly browse Netflix for an hour"

"If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a ""anything for 5 dollars"" ad on Craigslist with your name and number."

"The internet is the devil sitting on the right shoulder of a man who suffers from insomnia, whispering in his ear ""you will never sleep""."

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He took a bite before it was cool."

"My first time having sex was a lot like my first time in church.. Actually, come to think of it, it was my first time in church."

"How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant"