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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes on a clear cool night I look at the stars for hours and wonder what cool things I'd be doing if my Internet weren't down."

"In the United States the colors red white and blue represent freedom. Unless they see it in their rear view mirror."

"Six hour flight home I'm stuck in the middle seat and the lady behind me won't stop saying ""awesomesauce"" pray for me please"

"Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they."

"They're making a movie about the death of Steve Irwin Jamie Foxx will be playing Ray"

"Nice try Jehovah's witnesses, but dressing up like the police and saying you have a warrant isn't going to get me to come to the door."

"Is it true that Martha Washington had wooden boobs?"

"How do '90s kids count to 6? Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis."

"I'm certain there are female hormones in beer. When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car."

"I cried when one day when my dad decided to chop onions for dinner... I miss onions, he was a good dog."