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Joke of the Day

"I cried when one day when my dad decided to chop onions for dinner... I miss onions, he was a good dog."

"Wife: I think we need a break. *Titanic crashes into iceberg* Husband: THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? Wife: Yes."

"""how about an animal that looks like a cross between a horse and a barcode"" - creator of zebras"

"Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy? They wanted to give credit where credit was due."

"In my youth, there was no ""snapschapts"". If you liked a young lady, you'd draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents."

"Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river? Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed?"

"My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert"

"My friend told me I didn't know the meaning of 'ironic', which was ironic because we were at a train station."

"I saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene."

"How do you make a racing snail faster? I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish."