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Joke of the Day

"I cried when one day when my dad decided to chop onions for dinner... I miss onions, he was a good dog."

"What do Trump supporters and child molesters have in common? They both like immature assholes."

"Who's Zombies greatest enemy? Necrophiliacs"

"A book just fell on my head.. and I've only got myshelf to blame."

"Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit."

"I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants."

"I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels...boy was I wrong"

"Knock Knock... Knock knock Who's there? Boo. Boo who? No need to cry, it's only a joke."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice..."

"You know what's better than being married? Everything."