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Joke of the Day

"Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a whore? The expression on their face when they're getting nailed."

"What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ? You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you."

"If a woman falls in the kitchen and I pretend not to hear it, does she still hear the sound of me tweeting about it?"

"A Muslim, a Communist and a black man walk into a bar. The bartender says: ""Welcome, President Obama!"""

"Sex with 3 people... Sex with 3 people is called a threesome. Sex with 2 people is called a twosome. That explains why they call you handsome."

"I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question."

"The back-to-front comb over: Where mullets are laid to rest."

"*takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*"

"I got a job installing security systems... I find it pretty alarming"