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Joke of the Day

"I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question."

"What is a blonde's favorite color? Glitter."

"Russian skater just explained that he is ""not a robot,"" proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics"

"I went to see my drug dealer last week, he had some cheap trainers for sale. They were nice so I thought I'd get myself a pair. I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping for days!!"

"Why did the console peasant cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side"

"""I don't watch tv"" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet."

"There's nothing quite like a pissed off toddler trying to make her point by angrily storming away on a ride on ladybug"

"""Act your age!"" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt."

"I have bad knees. It runs in my family. Now nobody in my family runs."

"I got invited to my first HS party... ten years too late, fuck you all i'm not going to the reunion, get bent."