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Joke of the Day

"*takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*"

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"Que es la nombre con un bebe burro? un burrito"
"My Ex girlfriend works in a pharmacy, so whenever I want to spoil her mood I'll just go there to buy condom for no reason. Sometimes I'll go 3 times a day..."
"EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this? Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese."
"Why LOTR is a metaphor for life. Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!"
"Superman's Google searches: ""Strongest hero"" ""Strongest hero. Not Hulk"" ""Fastest hero"" ""Fastest hero. Not Flash"" ""Phone booth for sale"""
"People are like trees, they'll fall down if you hit them multiple times with an axe."
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"How much do pirates pay for piercings? A buccaneer!"
"What do you call a urinary tract infection caused in a virgin? Immaculate Infection"