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Joke of the Day
"I got a job installing security systems... I find it pretty alarming"
Next Joke
"Wife: Do you want some dinner? Me: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and No"
"*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months* ""Have you had the kid yet?"" -No ""Well, I'm level 77 on candy crush."""
"Why is Halloween a crackheads' favourite holiday? Only two more sleeps til' Christmas!"
"What's so bad about being a virgin, anyway? It means fucking nothing."
"""The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert"" - my 9 yr old daughter"
"they say a friend will come over and help you move and a good friend will help you move a body I have two good friends"
"What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common? They can both be fixed with a coat hanger."
"If acne on your back is ""back-ne""... Then what is acne on your knee called?"
"Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am currently sober."