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Joke of the Day

"Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day And it's even better if the uber has heated seats"

"Every month I clean my shower with an ammonia based solution... ... Which is ironic because ammonia is what made it dirty in the first place."

"What do you call a virgin redneck? A girl that can outrun her brothers."

"If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver."

"If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this. You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark."

"THE ROOSTER ALSO CALLED A COCK LOVES THE KITTY WET THE CAT FALLS INTO A BUCKET OF WATER THE ROOSTER LAUGHS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS A COCK LIKES A WET PUSSY."

"What do people from West Virginia do on Halloween? Pump Kin."

"When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, ""Big mistake. Big. Huge!"""

"grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road"

"What is green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels."