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Joke of the Day

"grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road"

"My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It's like I'm following HER around. It's ridiculous."

"Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? - A: A sourpuss!"

"I'm at home eating grape jelly. That shit is my jam."

"a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it!"

"[supermarket] *Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area* CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend. ME: Oh, OK. *slowly repacks trolley*"

"I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it."

"How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only juan."

"Australians don't have sex... Australians mate."

"Robocop: I am Robotcop Criminal: You don't say the t you robo moron R: [visibly confused] Pu down he gun you are under arres"